Two Seconds Everything Don Burst o! – NYSC Chronicles (Episode 1)

Two Seconds Everything Don Burst o! – NYSC Chronicles (Episode 1)

Wetin Ekaette no go see for kitchen? Wetin Musa no go see for gate? Wetin Bomboy no go see for road? Wetin Grace no go see for Lagos? Lol

Today has really been an eventful day for me. What a Monday! First of all, I woke up late…even though my NYSC CDS is today (as a boss now…hehe). I sha eventually stood up and went out some minutes to or past 10, I’m not sure. And if you’re familiar with NYSC, you will know that getting to your CDS after 9:30/10:00 am means you won’t get to write your name in the book. I already zeroed my mind anyway so I was just planning to go there, do biometrics (clearance) and japa to my house to finish all the chores I had been postponing for ages…yes boo, my broke ass is also lazy; I’m in my house come and beat me.

Anyway, when I got to the Local Government office, they now told me that no CDS today because it’s final clearance day for Batch A corps members. Excuse me? Why didn’t I know about this? How come I never saw this anywhere? Most importantly of all, they have finally gotten me. My body tried to give me heads up but alas, I decided to drag myself to the place forming good citizen, look at me now.

Moving on, I now remembered that Nigeria has still not paid me allawee for January and February is already almost over.

Gbese! Wetin dey really occur Oluwa?

So I was advised to go to the secretariat in Surulere to confirm that my account details had been taken for Lagos state since I redeployed from Abia state. That my dear, is where the whole drama started. After waiting for several long and intensely hot (under Lagos sun) minutes, I finally got a bus to CMS. All went well for the first half of the trip; with the conductor occasionally hurrying passengers in and out at bus stops because LASTMA was catching public transport workers upandan. I even let my mind wander and started thinking of how much better life would be if all Lagos bus conductors really took their time to bath daily and use deodorant instead of tormenting poor commuters with their body odor on a daily basis. Anyhow, all hell sha let loose when one passenger became less than cooperative. Lol.

I didn’t start following the gist early but I think the problem started from when one passenger (male) refused to sit at a particular spot in the bus and was making a scene instead of moving. This made the bus unable to move and the agitated driver started to shout at him, even threatening to slap and beat him up. Other passengers started shouting at the driver and the man while the conductor faced the man squarely. I was composed for a while, yunno, as a classy babe. Until I couldn’t take it anymore and started shouting at the driver too:

It’s okay now. Abeg make we move! People dey go places na!

Yenyenyen, I added my voice to the noise.

Another man started yelling at the driver:

‘Wetin! Wetin sef! How you go talk say you wan beat am? He enter your motor for free? No be money him pay you?!’

That one continued and I just had to start thinking of what I ever did to deserve this.

Why me oh Lord? Why?

Just as that fight was dying down, another noise drew my attention from directly behind me and I turned back to see the cause of the problem. Apparently another fight had erupted.

‘Why you dey look me? Carry your eye! Rapist!’

The woman shouted something similar to what I quoted above at the man beside her and they kept exchanging words. Apparently, the woman was wearing something that revealed a lot of cleavage and the man had been looking at her lustfully till she got too uncomfortable and had to voice out. The man shouted back about how there’s nothing wrong with looking and they kept exchanging words from there. It actually started getting really funny to me but I was also frustrated at the same time so I turned back and once again, added my voice to the noise:

‘Ahn ahn! What happened now? It’s okay. You too don’t look at her, she said you should not look at her. Face your front na. Ah!’

The woman continued with her rants again:

‘I don’t know for him o. See the way he was looking at me. |He’s a pervert! You’re a pervert! Ahn ahn. Do you want to enter me? And you looked and looked ahn ahn. Na wa for you o. Rapist!’

Then the man came in with his own accusations:

‘What is wrong with looking? It’s guilty conscience that’s doing you. Look at what she’s wearing o! Open her whole cleavage, now saying I should not look. Why did you too dress like that?’

And yadayadayada, they both yapped away, defending their cases to the rest of the bus and attacking each other. My dear, conductor sef confuse dey look.

Our bus had gone from zero to a hundred real quick…lmao!

One woman at the front too now decided to lend her voice to cleavage woman’s argument:

‘Yes! If she says don’t look at her then don’t. I am a woman and I have been through a lot in the hands of men. I was in a bus once and a man was touching my breast from behind. Don’t look at her!’

Yadayadayada, she yapped away.

The man then turned to her and centered his attacks towards her (oblivious of course, to the fact that most of their noise was going straight into my ear drums and up to my head…*my father, my father*).

‘Why did she too dress like that? Look at her whole cleavage? Why won’t I look? Didn’t she put it out there? Why are you now calling me a rapist?’

Hei, nosy me, instead of me to just sit back and enjoy the show, I added more to the noise again:

‘Oga, anybody can wear what they want to wear. Is it your cleavage? Leave her alone please and don’t look at her!’

Cleavage woman shouted back at him:

‘What? Are you my husband? Is this the first time people will dress and show cleavage? Does that mean you should enter me? Pervert! Rapist!’

That’s how other people kept adding their own:

‘Oga e don do!’

‘Him self don too look!’

‘Oya it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay’

Alas, madam avenger from the front wasn’t satisfied, she kept fuming and agitating:

‘No leave him now, Shebi he wants to beat me. Let’s come down from this bus let him beat me. Rapist! All these men that’s how they do. As a woman, I’ve been through a lot…’

Thankfully, we were already almost at CMS so I had to tell the conductor to stop on top of the bridge for me so I don’t have to climb back up the bridge to get bus to Costain. The conductor sha did small gragra and me, madam avenger and maybe some other people came down from the bus.

Whew! What a ride!

Laslas, I got bus to Costain then took a Sienna-looking car to Bode Thomas, the secretariat street because thanks to Sanwo-Olu, no more Keke and Okada. Lol. I eventually got to secretariat and let them know my plight at the accounts department. Apparently, I hadn’t been paid because my December allawee was paid from where I did my NYSC camp in Abia and Lagos couldn’t pay my January allawee because I submitted my account details late. Oh well, we move! I’ve already written unpaid allowance letter and hopefully I’ll get paid that soon as well as my February allawee.

But for real o:

Wetin Grace no go see for Lagos?

Let me just be going home to finish my chores…hm.

-The Grace Ola | Socials- @thegraceola | Muse- Myself

Leave a Reply

Close Menu
Translate »