Two seconds everything don burst o! – Episode 2

Two seconds everything don burst o! – Episode 2

Church Chronicles

I went to church yesterday and I sorta got there earlier than my booked 2nd service for some reasons. I saw a nice looking lounge outside the door and asked security if I could sit there.

Baba saucily told me that ‘everyone that comes for 2nd service usually waits outside’. As per,

‘who do I think I am? Where do I form?’

Okay, no problem.

So I sat on a table outside and waited patiently, pressing away at my phone.

After a while, one beautiful, light skinned mami with some bags walked to the scene. Black dress on fleek, pony tail on fleek, skin and makeup…you know what it is.

That’s how she just went to the door and entered Gbam!

She was really struggling with the bags and somewhere at the back of my mind, I wanted to help her. But it all happened so fast, I didn’t have enough time to think and I was bothered that aunty met and left me there…and the security guy didn’t even stop her.

And this is a church that makes us register for service due to social distancing, wear masks, use sanitizer at the door etc. To prevent coloma drivus (corona virus).

I won’t even lie, I was already close to getting pissed off.

So when I saw her enter and the second security didn’t stop her, I was like

‘wait, hollup, wait a minute…haha. What happened to my own head? Have I been dulling myself for nothing? Is there a waiting room inside for early birds like us?’

So, I headed for the door.

That’s how the security guy now held his hand up and was like ‘hm hm’.

I say it’s ‘you zayy? I literally just saw that lady walk in.’ As per, ‘no no no, girl power. Treat me equally. What you mean by that?’ And whatnot.

You know me na, never wanting to take inequality…hehehe. I didn’t know what was going on.

As per, na me dull myself before. And as I don’t want to dull again, let me in plis.

That’s how baba now said, ‘that’s the pastor’s wife’.

Yeyeye! Aye mi😂, I didn’t know o.

In my defense, I’ve only been to the church a few times, like 3 times or so. And I’ve only seen the pastor’s wife once or twice. One in pictures and the second time, 2 Sundays ago. Then today.

Omo, na so I just mellow o. I went back to sit on table to start thinking about my life. New church, I don already dey show myself.

I’m sure the security guy was just like,

‘who you? Where do you form? You you kolo?’


I sha waited and one man from inside came to confirm my service registration as I waited. Gradually, more people joined me and soon we were ready to enter for service.

So again, the man that confirmed my registration told peiple to come in and humans started trooping in. So I was like okay, this time I can move.

Na so I start to follow suit again, security say no. Ahh ah, waizgoinon na? Apparently, they were church workers or so.

I say okay, today is really my day. I went back to my table.

Almost immediately after, the guy that took my registration came out to shoo us in. I now looked at the security guy as per, what’s your problem? All this badbelleism for what na?

Sha, I started going in.

I kid you not. Everyone was entering freely and it was only me that oga security stopped again at the door, to spray sanitizer on my hand.

Like bruh, if he had been doing it for everybody else entering, I’d have understood. But only me!!!! Fam.

Likeeee, I’m sorry for not recognizing your pastor’s wife and for calling her lady. Sorry for whatever you think I did to you and your ancestors but this is just petty na.

P.S: don’t report the girl in yellow and black striped gown to management biko. It was an honest mistake.

I sha held my tongue from changing it for him cuz, one, child of God, two, don’t wanna cause a scene and most importantly, wetin I go gain?

Service was lit though! But I kept feeling awkward all through😭😭😭.

I kept feeling like the pastor and his wife were looking at me.

This life didn’t balance sha.

Life is beans. But Jesus is still the bread of life. Tenx.

P.S. again: (For the featured image, same dress, different day)

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